we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
