my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
