Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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