im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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