I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
