shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
