So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
