Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
