just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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