I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
