Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
