my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
