She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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