if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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