I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
