You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
