she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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