i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
