I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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