Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
