im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
