Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
