No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
