I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
