I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
