it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
