Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
