I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Are we still banned from the library?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
