I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
