Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
