he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
