I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
