My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
