Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
