I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
