he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
