i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
