I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
