we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
