Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
