i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
