i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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