I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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