The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
