Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
