I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
