I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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