His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
