I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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