I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
