fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
